Here’s what you do before you even put on a piece of clothing and express your style.

1. PUT YOUR MIND IN THE RIGHT PLACE.

Stop comparing yourself to anyone else but you.

Believe in yourself, and know that you deserve to express yourself in the best way possible every single day.

2. MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR SIZE (AND SHAPE AND WEIGHT).

Now I’ll be the first to tell you that I’ve been on a quest to lose the last 7 kilos (15 lbs) of post-baby weight. It’s been over 10 years now, and I’ve had another baby in between but I’ve made peace with the fact that I really do want to lose the last of that extra fat.

And I am at peace. On most days. I can dress myself in my size now and know what looks good on me. But I’m looking forward to getting to my ideal weight (and health) and expressing my style then.

Whether you want to go up or down or stay where you are, just be at peace and know that there is a way to express your style no matter what size you are.

3. GET TO KNOW YOUR BODY.

Are you perimenopausal? Have you just had a baby? Do you have intense PMS symptoms (like me)?

Get to know your wonderful body and find out what kind of wisdom it’s trying to tell you.

Don’t deny it or get frustrated or mad about it (okay maybe for a little while). Accept it for what it is so you can calmly do the best thing possible for whatever stage you are in life.

This includes doing the last 2 tips – they are super-important!

4. EAT WELL, LIVE WELL.

Sorry to say but there are no shortcuts.

What we put in our body directly affects not just how we look, but also how we feel, how we think, how we process our day.

If you put junk into your precious body, your mind starts to crash very quickly and things start to go downhill after that including your style.

Take care of yourself first and everything else style-wise can be put into place.

5. EXERCISE FOR STRENGTH AND (BODY) CONFIDENCE.

This is true. But this is just the icing on the cake.

It never starts with your body, it starts with your mind and heart.

But strengthening your body will also help support your mind and heart. It’s a circular thing. No actually, it’s an upward spiral kinda thing.

If you’ve got your heart and mind in the right place, and you support it by eating well and exercising, then the easier and more direct that road to style becomes.

You get to know yourself better, you support yourself better, and of course, your style shines through – even shinier than before!

So I’m back from a 3 and 1/2 week holiday and it was fun, but it was also itchy!

Literally, on the last week of the holiday, I developed allergies on my legs and arms that has persisted for the past couple of weeks now.

So, apart from the usual doctor’s visit and finding some sort of medicinal cure for my very bothersome allergies, I find myself as always perusing Amazon for a great find on a more natural and simple (but not easier, I can assure you) cure for this.

THE SKIN CURE DIET

I’m now reading The Skin Cure Diet and it has confirmed my suspicions all along.

The build up of all the junk I was eating on my holidays, exacerbated perhaps by the heat of the tropical climate, ended up on my legs and arms as itchy-scratchy allergies.

You see, for the most part, my diet here in everyday land (Melbourne, Australia) is relatively low-carb with the not-so-occasional treats that have kept those last pesky 5-8 kilos on my belly. And even if I’m not completely free from the evils of sugar and carbs, my regular diet is obviously healthier than all the ‘treats’ I was eating on my holiday.

Particularly, I will have to say those fruit shakes every meal were loading me up on sugar and calories, as well as the pastries that were always available to snack on at home (I lived with the in-laws), in the car and everywhere else really! I mean, it’s almost impossible to low-carb in the Philippines!

And I did have a pity party for a while, went crazy scratching my skin out and experimenting on all sorts of topical creams and sprays because I did NOT want to use my doctor’s recommended steroids cream.

Yikes, just the word ‘steroids’ makes me cringe and I couldn’t think of putting on anything more unnatural or potentially dangerous substance on my body.

LOW-CARB FOR LIFE

Now that my search has brought me to this, I am more resolved than ever to continue with my low-carb lifestyle.

It will be extreme for the next month or so, in that I’ll need to really steer clear of sugar, wheat and dairy until my skin has fairly stabilized and cleared up.

Here are some quotes from the book that summarize my new diet/lifestyle:

I think that’s why, with overwhelming frequency and consistency, the recommended diet for healing almost any kind of ailment is fresh, organic fish, meat, vegetables, seeds and their oils, and lots of water. No sugar and grains: maybe some gluten-free ones like buckwheat (which is actually a seed, not a grain) and brown rice (also not technically a grain).

For those of us who may have excess yeast, we just have to take it that one extra step that is so hard to stumble up on by accident: abstaining from fruits, starches and other sugars for awhile to compensate for the years of letting them build up.

I know it sounds extreme, but this truth has actually freed me up so much.

For years, I’ve been trying to lose that last bit of baby weight through low-carb dieting and exercise.

Finally, I can say now that it’s not just a diet but a lifestyle for me to low-carb.

For now, I’m staying away from sugar, wheat and dairy and the only carbs I’m allowing are rice and vegetables. But I even have to make sure that they are non-legume (as advised in The Skin Cure Diet book), and I apparently even have to stay away from fiber and fibrous veggies in order to heal my gut and reverse my allergies (see this article from Dr. Mercola).

As of this writing it’s only been 3 days so I can’t really tell you if there’s been a marked improvement.

But I can feel a difference in the way I think. I’m actually thankful for the allergies that have plagued me for the past 2 weeks.

FROM PAIN TO PLEASURE

Yes, they are a pain. But pain is a way for us to grow and learn in life.

I don’t ever want to wallow in my misery. But in this life, I’m sure I won’t always be able to avoid misery.

So the best thing for me to do is squeeze something good out of that misery somehow.

I know I don’t ever want to live like this, always battling with pain or disease. So having decided that, I now can decide to make a lifestyle choice. It’s simple and hard at the same time, to have to give up all those glamourized cakes, pastries and breads.

But I know there’s a reward at the end.

I don’t want to count my chickens before they hatch, but I look forward to not just the cleared-up skin but getting rid of that last bit of baby weight and getting into a pair of really cool bikinis. For that I’ll also have to amp my exercise, but that’s another step in the journey. Hmm, maybe on my next holiday…

(P.S. I’ll keep you all posted on what this lifestyle change will be doing for me over the course of the year.)

with my Ethan bugoy!

I'm determined to live life free of allergies!

Enjoy, my lovelies!

Robert Rodriguez The Knit Dress

Herve Leger Square Neck Dress

Diane von Furstenberg Kimmie Dress

Ami Dans La Rue Sweater Dress

Diane von Furstenberg Imena Cover Up Dress

Yigal Azrouel T Back Dress

Diane von Furstenberg Takara Dress

Marchesa Draped Strapless Dress with Full Skirt

Reem Acra Cap Sleeve Gown with Lace Back Detail

Ohne Titel Wing Back Dress

Doo.Ri Endless Column Gown

Bird by Juicy Couture Crisscross Top

Herve Leger Crisscross A Line Dress

Of Two Minds Denna Stretch Lace Dress

Shoshanna Mackenzie One Shoulder Dress

Peter Som Full Skirt Day Dress

Mason by Michelle Mason Asymmetrical Hem Dress

Wilt Racer Cutout Maxi Dress

Nothing says breathtakingly sexy quite like a little red dress, or even if it’s not-so-little.

Stay tuned for part 2.

BCBGMAXAZRIA Palais One Shoulder Dress

ALICE by Temperley Molina Dress

Rachel Pally Long Cutout Dress

RED Valentino Bow Back Tank Dress

Lyn Devon Anette Dress

Herve Leger Novelty Essentials V Neck Cocktail Dress

Milly Keithly Topstitched Sheath Dress

Twobirds Tea Length Convertible Dress

Joseph Cuba Maxi Dress

To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man (William Shakespeare, 1564-1616).

All Images Courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

LIFE IS TOO SHORT…

…To care about what other people think. Especially the negative, judgmental, petty ones.

…To not honour who you are and what you can offer to the world through your life. If you are not happy where you are right now, then you know there is something wrong and you, and only you, can change it.

Perhaps it’s the wrong kind of work. Or the friends who just don’t jive. Or the style that isn’t you.

Don’t waste another minute going in the wrong direction. Start now and live your life.

…To live chained to the past, or pining for the future or some such utopia or alternate universe where we imagine our lives will be better. Do what you can with what you have now and…

ACCEPT

Fall in love with you.

Get to know the person closest to you – YOU – and learn to love her no matter what.

If you’re not a city girl, go live in the country. If the country’s not for you, go live in the city. Or live in the ‘burbs like me. It’s not a crime and it won’t kill you (contrary to what other people think). Suburbia has its advantages especially for a growing family, and if you are in the middle of growing that family, don’t forget to…

Fall in love with your life. As it is right now.

Not as you wish it to be, or even as you are planning it to be.

In the midst of all the chaos and the commotion.

Accept it. Love it.

This mum’s confession about how she didn’t recognize her time and place for everything is bittersweet.

I have my own mummy meltdown moments but I’m trying my best not to go with the “When are you kids gonna grow up?” script. I genuinely want to enjoy this time of co-sleeping and video game consoles and sleepovers. My house may be getting too small for us now but I love that my husband has finally put up a clothesline that makes my small pergola look like it’s a fiesta decorated with clothes and undies. I’ll enjoy when we finally get the bunk bed so my 13-year-old can share a room with the 4-year-old (yes as soon as we’re back from our holiday this is happening!). And I will still hassle my husband for some funky chandeliers in the dining room even if I know it might make the space look even smaller.

Instead of looking at what I gave up, I want to look at what is right in front of me begging to be savoured and experience just for what it is. My moment in time.

THE INTEGRITY OF YOUR BEAUTY

Yes there is such a thing.

It’s about not fighting with what you see in the mirror, but loving it and celebrating it.

It’s about not looking at the beauty of others and envying it, or even worse copying it!

It’s about looking your best, not your youngest, your skinniest, your most blinged-out! It’s not about age or the numbers on a scale, or even the numbers or letters on a clothing label (and yes that goes for size and for designer brand names!).

It’s about not covering up your beauty, but letting it shine through.

Sometimes quietly. Sometimes loudly. But always with integrity.

EMBRACING MYSELF & MY PEOPLE-PLEASING PAST

I was once young, naive, fickle, sensitive.

Perhaps in many of the wrong ways. And though I regret some of the mistakes I’ve made, I’ve also grown to love the woman I have become. Who I am now.

I am a Type 4. Earth.

(Yes seriously get this book!)

I love jewel tones, strong primary colours. I look best in black, white, red, blue and especially when I’ve got my bold and strong lipstick on.

I’ll never be able to do ruffles in that girly sort of way, but I can rock a classic any time.

I am a working mum intent on building a home business so that one day, even when all my kids are teen-agers, I’ll be able to have the freedom to truly work at home and have more control of my day.

I like to co-sleep with my kids, breastfeed them until it’s humanly impossible for me, let them play video games or watch TV and movies as much as they can possibly handle in a day. But I also like to push them to play the piano when they think they can’t ever get past perfecting a piece, take the exam for exclusive schools to see where it leads them, and insist that they greet their elders with the traditional mano (yes I call them elders and my kids will never be on a first name basis with them nor with me and my hubby for as long as I can help it).

I am tiger mum and teddy bear mum, sometimes at the same time.

I am wife, lover, challenger, and sometimes sarcastic bi*ch to my husband (especially when I’m very sleepy or very tired or both). I am his partner-in-crime, his puppy love, his ball-and-chain.

I am a writer, mostly of non-fictional works like personal essays that disguise themselves as self-help articles.

I’m a programmer by profession too, and I’ve navigated the professional world for over 15 years now. I’m still not doing what I want to be doing, but that’s a choice because my priority is to be a mum. My dream will have its place and time.

I am a Christian by faith and by practice. Not because I’m perfect, but because I am always washed clean, always given another chance by the one who calls me His. I have integrity, beauty, acceptance only through my Lord Jesus Christ.

Oh and I love to sing. That’s because of that dang Filipino blood flowing in my veins. Karaoke, anyone?

I know it was meant to be light-hearted, but I stopped in my tracks and could not think of a witty reply.

For starters, I just find the word so derogatory.

But I think that speaks to my own judgment more than anything else.

Maybe, just maybe, I’ve been judging older women who go with younger guys in my own disapprovingly subtle way. (According to this definition, it should be at least a 10-year age difference to be deemed cougar-ish.) I’ve got 4 younger brothers, and the idea of dating a much younger guy creeps me out. I would definitely go for Clooney.

When I was growing up, it was the notion of the old maid or the cradle-snatcher. Or the May-December romance. Sure makes me long for the days of euphimisms.

But somehow, women have found their own power and being an older woman going after a younger man is now synonymous with a hunter-and-prey kind of relationship.

Is that good?

Perhaps. But I don’t think I’ll ever accept it.

But I do know I want to stop the judging.

I mean look at Demi Moore, whose heart is so obviously broken. In the end, it’s not about labels or power or even sex. It really is just a need for connection, and dare I say it, love.

What right do any of us have to judge another woman because of her age? Why should we think that the men in these relationships are ‘prey’? As if they didn’t have minds of their own and were somehow trapped into a corner? Puh-leeeze!

So I still don’t like the word ‘cougar’ but I don’t ever want to define any of my sisters with a term that teenage boys (in mind and body) decided was cool – even if it’s just for fun or to pass the time or even to describe what we think is bleeding obvious.

The truth is nothing is obvious because none of us know what goes on in anyone’s life.

Your thoughts?

Absolutely in love with the new J Brand Spring Collection for 2012.

The lookbook is breathtaking on shopbop!

It’s actually getting colder here in Melbourne, but it’s all good because jeans are a staple for autumn and I cannot get enough of these jeans.

Here are my top 5 faves.

1. The Super Skinny Leather Pants in White – yes white!  Why not?

J Brand Super Skinny Leather Pants

2. The Kinsey Pieced Skinny Jeans in Blueberry – yumm-o!

J Brand Kinsey Pieced Skinny Jeans

3. The Large Floral Print Skinny Jeans in Empress print – regal rocker!

J Brand Large Floral Print Skinny Jeans

4. The Zoey Super Skinny Jeans in Lipstick – if you want to leave someone gobsmacked!

J Brand Zoey Super Skinny Jeans

5. The Coated Super Skinny Jeans in Coated Rain – a scrumptious purple perfect for autumn here in Melbourne!

J Brand Coated Super Skinny Jeans

This is a post about being a better wife and mother. A better woman, a better you.

This is about being so self-absorbed that you can be selfless.

It’s about letting go of what you can’t control, and focusing inward instead.

This is my journey to being myself, and it is a continuing journey. But I have faith and hope that as much as it will give me happiness to know myself and love myself for who I am, it will give me the greatest fulfillment to be able to give of myself (and importantly, the self that I know) to my family, my husband and kids.

Because if I’m fully myself, then I won’t need my kids or my hubby to fill me up or do something for me or give me something I’m missing.

In the same token, it’s nice to be needed, but I’d rather my partner and kids love me for me rather than for what they can get from me.

So YES I want to be myself, and everyday be more of myself. That’s how I live out my faith. Because I believe He saved me and loved me for who I am and being more of me makes others, especially my family, see more of Him.

To be disappointed and discouraged with yourself is still self-occupation. Look away, and look to Jesus, He is your true identity—the One who is forever accepted and who is always the beloved of the Father. Now shake off all discouragement & disappointment for as He is, so are you in this world! – Joseph Prince

And here are some ways I try to be more of me every day.

1. Be beautiful, be yourself.

Carol Tuttle will rock your world.

Her ‘Dressing Your Truth’ books and courses (Dressing Your Truth, Discover Your Personal Beauty Profile) will help you understand your natural style and give you lots of great (and amazing) pointers on how to take it further and use it in real life. I’d say this is the basic basic style guide that anyone needs to have before you even read any of the commercial fashionista how-tos out there.

Personally, from the program I know that I’m a Type 4 (Earth) so it has helped me immensely not just in my style and fashion choices, but also in the way I relate to others especially my hubby and kids. I understand now why I’m such an all-or-nothing kinda gal, and why grays never really suited me (both the colour and metaphorically speaking when looking at issues, problems, etc.).

It’s fascinating to have this as a guide and sooo much fun to start using the principles once you’ve established your energy/movement type.

2. Be sexy, be healthy.

One of the most helpful, easy-read low-carb books out there.

It doesn’t take much to know that I am definitely a low-carb advocate.

First off, because I’m a meat-eater. But mostly because when I first did Atkins, it was the very first diet I knew that could make me lose a lot so quickly without feeling hungry. It was life-changing, especially for a busy mum of 2 kids under 10 (back then)!

But I’m also so inspired when I see how people can motivate themselves to be healthy by becoming more of themselves and living in their style because they are soo much more comfortable in their own skin.

Don’t be shy and admit that part of being healthy is also loving the body you’re in and showing it off to the world. Exercise and age slower – if it can be done, why not?

And remember, sleep is sexy. It gives you a great glow and helps keep you steady throughout the day.

3. Be elegantly poised, be calm.

This book is such an amazing resource to help me get over the guilt of helping my children become more independent and self-sufficient even though it may go against popular parenting advice.

Of course, it doesn’t hurt if you pamper yourself once in a while. In fact, I’d say schedule it into your day, your week, your month and your year.

And know your trigger events, and your happy and snappy ‘days of the month’.

Personally, my day usually devolves around bedtime and the s**t hit the fan lately when I tried to re-establish the bedtime routine after the summer school holiday and the addition of the early morning Kinder to the school run. I’ll admit I was sooo not screamfree when it happened, but I said sorry the next day to the kids and took control after that with an understanding that it’s my job as a parent to be consistent with the bedtime routine and lead the kids calmly (yes, nicely too) no matter what.

It takes a lot of practice, and I’ll probably never get it right all the time, but this book is confirmation that my personal calm, peace and elegance does not depend on others but on myself alone.

4. Be smart, be thoughtful and strategic.

And yes, be as useful as you can.

Your mind was given to you for a reason. Make no excuses about using it.

Be financially independent, as self-sufficient as you possibly can, so you can help yourself and others in this life.

The truth is, in many ways I’m a very academic sort of person. I love studying, reading and analyzing anything and everything. I think my weakness is in over-analyzing and over-thinking my life.

Part of growing up for me has been how to translate what I learn in books (and the like) in real life. How to apply it because all this learning is nothing if we don’t use it for LOVE.

I think that’s why I married so early. My hunky hubby always keeps me grounded and I love how he challenges me to get my head out of the clouds and use my mind for practical things. Wasn’t always so, especially when we were younger, but thank God for the wisdom and maturity that comes with age! Otherwise, we’d only have wrinkles and aches and pains to show for it.

So being a wife, mum and homemaker is a lot about strategy as much as it is about all the gooey stuff like butterfly kisses and hugs and cuddles. It’s about organization and discipline, and much of it starts with a strong mind and a very intelligent way of approaching things.

Sounds like a great way to grow!

5. Be gracious and lovely, be faithful.

Do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. Have the personal integrity to act out of your highest principles.

That’s the message of this book.

In marriage, it’s so easy to get into the tit-for-tat reciprocating game.  I meet your needs if you meet mine.

Actually, this is true for life in general, where we get into the mode of ‘I will only respect people who respect me!’.

Really?  How many ugly people are out there who don’t care one iota about you? You really don’t want to be giving ugly back.

You want to remain gracious and lovely, true to your faith and your deepest values.

For me, it is based on my Christian faith. It means I get validation of myself from GOD, not from anyone else so that I can treat anyone (well, almost anyone) with respect without waiting for them to respect me first or expecting the same respect back.

Besides, if I do things for my husband so he’ll love me, well… no thanks!

I’d rather he love me for me and me alone.

So I choose to be myself whenever I can – to grow as me, to speak as me, to get mad as me, to love as me.

Thank God I am beautiful.

I can’t get enough of them.

I’m drowning and I don’t care…